Suicide: Beautiful Escape or Societal Deformity?

Young people are contemplating suicide more and more these days, who cares? Some may even reason, what harm does it do if they never actually do it? I say: The thought is just as bad as the action they sometimes hope they have the courage to perpetuate.

From experience, there is no comfort in the fact that suicide may be, even if as last resort, for an expansive people, it does not reflect well on our future. Not that I am one of the expressive type, but knowing expressive type individuals, who too, complain of the inability to find at least one person to talk to or that they do find that person, however, it’s hard to explain exactly what is going on inside their heads. Which leaves all of us to handle these problems by ourselves. In short, whether one is loud or quiet, haven’t we all felt that despair of not having single person in this world to talk to? This I think is at the base of what drives us to that final, fatal act of suicide. Personally, I could do with a personal therapist. 

For a world of 7 Billion and counting, it says something is utterly wrong with us, when we can find no one to talk to, trust and rely upon in our darkest moments. Most of us, if fortunate, are rather met with usury, rape, abuse, victimisation, and the list goes on. How can youth feel any better about themsleves when their mothers, who should provide for them, put them out to be prostitutes, which no one wants to talk about. How can youth feel akin to any civic vision, when the society locks them into one menial role, seeking to clip their wings before they even think of spreading them? How can they trust people masquerading as mature adults, who sing one song, but do a different dance? Closing doors when they should be opening and extending? How much do you expect a youth to know, when they have only been taught one thing?

 We are too busy using each other, rather than to bond and strengthen each other. We are alone in each of our own worlds and powers that be only consult the youth, when it suits their own ends and personal gains. No wonder youth hate promises, but we sure hear enough and still see nothing happening. Don’t castigate us as youth; we certainly didn’t ask to be here, yet here we are and we should be thankful with the few scraps we get thrown; bound to starve unless we employ our own means. We did not invent poverty and injustice, but we reflect well, something society frowns upon. Youth of today are different, we are not meant to be hypocrites and two-faced liars.

Anyway, enough of the country and its desolate state and the dreary backdrop, and over to me and my brush with suicide.

I have reached a point, where upon having courted suicide ideation for so long (since high school), all that is left for me to do is that one brave act. The fact that I am still here bespeaks much cowardice. 

Where one has a great void that no indulgence seems to fill (sorry Religious Famastics,even that failed too) then all too soon you start seeing everything behind marred stygian lens. Where the colour of pain, anger, abuse & hatred decorates your sight and your images are thus filtered. This is strengthened by bigots who abuse their power and authority, forcing you to make choices and crucifying for the same choices, when they gave you no recourse. Everyone wants something from the youth, but it is too much for us to ask for simple, basic things in return.

What’s worst: who can you tell these thoughts too? Bigots? Abusers? Those who think you are too young to know worth and to want that  worth for yourself? That they themselves claimed when they were your age? Or those who simply tell you to suck it up and not complain? Either way, left to our own devices, as young people, we often defy odds out of sheer rebellion, which is characteristic of us, or we can conform and become shells or sponges for those around us or lastly, we can just decide to colour everything the way we are it, so others see it that way. Which is what youth have been doing, and if we happen upon some self- indulgence along the way, it may mean that we don’t fancy dying today, but we are not exactly thrilled at the prospect of a future we are not integral in building.

To Society: Enough with saying the youth are the future when we are marginalised and hardly consulted. Too many youth are chosing death rather than living in this country but our heads are too far up our own individual asses to care to invest the time, energy and resources in mending what’s broken. To the youth who survive, by whatever means, society will have created miracle workers and equally, or even more, a vicious and even more self-serving populace.

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Author: cilaene21

“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” ― Toni Morrison

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