Not Afraid

Fear is borne out of the unknown, out of the lack of confidence to meet the unknown and come out surviving what it brought.

I am not afraid to tell myself what I am willing to compromise on and what I will not budge on. What values I hold stringently (and unapologetically) and those that it would not hurt me too much to flex. I am not afraid to stand by my beliefs, knowing they very well may be biased (despite my preference for the eclectic view most times) and be confident and grounded enough to know within myself that understanding another’s perspective does not decrease the value of my own.

I am not afraid to do as much in the name of peace, but I am also not afraid to fight fire with fire. I have learnt that merely telling people how their actions affect you (especially if you ask them to desist) is not enough, sometimes a taste of their own medicine sends the message clearer, and then you just remove them from your circles, I am not afraidof doing that removal of external baggage, even if it means I will end up alone. It may very well mean that alone is the best place for me to be.

I am not afraid to be confident in my ability to be all that I want and support my own beliefs, as I find no one else ever completely will. I am not afraid to stay true to me; warts and all, and invest as much as I possibly can in myself, at the risk of being labelled selfish/ anti social (that horse has already torn down that gate and galloped through).

I am not afraid to identify and eradicate the traits, events,places and people that are not good for my sanity and induce post-traumatic stress; I am not afraid to sever ties with all these stressors, with alacrity. I am NO LONGER AFRAID of admitting that I may not be the best for all people, despite my valiant efforts of achieving such untenable.

I am no longer afraid of the unknown that exists in what opinions people may have of me (that they never say to me), of the many trials I have been put on (without my right to a fair trial or even being present) or for the many false accusations that have been laid against me, my character and the reputation I try to build; they have no effect on my integrity unless I give away that power.

I am no longer afraid of what is generally perceived as failing, as it would mean I am afraid of learning. Which I am too intelligently curious to be guilty of. I am not afraid of the unexpected challenges and surprises, that may arise forth.

I am not afraid to take a stand for myself, of removing everyone and everything that is toxic in my life, or gives rise to suppressed and new trauma. I am not afraid of losing what I believe is the very thread of my existence.

I am not afraid of remaining grounded on my biased and prejudiced truth, as it is my reality and my life only that I will have to give account for, at the end of the day; absolutely no one else’s.

I am not afraid of the choices I make now and future and whatever the adverse consequences that may arise.

I am not afraid of staying what I want and what my expectations are. I am not afraid of stepping up to the plate/task once I am required, and I am not afraid of being unrelenting about my requests and expectations.

I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO BE ALL THAT I NEED TO BE AND NOT WAIT ON FATE OR ANYONE ELSE TO GIVE ME WHAT I NEED.

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Author: cilaene21

“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” ― Toni Morrison

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