The Heart’s Need and Will to love……..

Emotional hurt, neglect and betrayal do a big number on the heart or soul to anybody. Whether one believes the heart is just an organ or another mysterious existence; the heart/ soul can be feel as though it was passed through a shredder.

ON ONE SIDE………

The hurt is as a result of too high expectations, loving so much without it being reciprocated or just plain selfish disregard of others to your feelings. All of the above hurt. All are blatant, undeserving and selfish without considering your heart’s feelings when it has decided to love. They may teach you lessons but they hurt like a bitch.

Which then begs the question, how much control do we really have over LOVE and the people we love?

For instance, we may see a woman with an abusive husband, and we may judge that she willingly fell in love and consequently subjected herself to her present circumstances. We judge that she willingly set out to fall in love with a drunkard or a thief or whomever society may frown upon. But who were these people before they became drunkards, thieves and abusers??? They were neighbours, schoolmates and childhood/adolescent crushes..

The point I am trying to make is: when it comes to affairs of the heart/ love (Junior Gong listening intently), how much do we really know and have control over?

I genuinely need to know because I am one that prefers control in as much things as possible(Yeah, I am Christian Grey’s way distant cousin…), so just the thought that I may not have control sets me into straight paranoia mode. But that is just it: I don’t know…..

ON THE FLIP SIDE…..

There are other types of hurt. Hurts that are more discreet and of a more complex nature/ network that still produces like symptoms of a shredded and broken heart:

  1. FORBIDDEN LOVE: Consider loving someone (the way you know how to truly love) you have no business loving and not being able truly express the depth of that love. Not by words,or actions. In the light, you are afraid to even acknowledge that the person exists, let alone that you love them. The cycle is vicious, in the day it is forced out of existence, battered to the ground and oppressed, but in the dark silence, it burns bright, ardent and insistent. You are still left feeling robbed and cheated. Your heart has been robbed of its sought opportunity to love whomever it has chosen.
  2. MISSED OPPORTUNITY: Consider being given the chance to love someone and return their love. But you don’t take this chance; you think, why rush? I have all the time in the world…. And you nurture your love without showing it, believing all the way that you will just wow this person with all this love when you feel the time is right. When you do feel ready to fully embrace this person in all the love you have cultivated for them,  this person is taken from you. Not a word of warning, so that you could have loved a little. No countdown that you knew, just suddenly stripped from existence. Once again, the heart is robbed of it’s opportunity to love.

In both instances, the heart knew what it wanted and it wanted what it did. We have robbed our loving hearts of its opportunity to do what it was created to: which is TO LOVE. In everything there is a balance: Your heart needs to be loved and too, your heart needs to love. All our hearts need to.

I wonder why my heart wants what it does (I finally get you, Selena!!!) but the answer eludes me every time. I know what I set out for myself and I think I know what is best for my heart. But have I really listened to it? In hindsight, I am not so sure.

To listen for the person that it beats faster for, to make a note of whom it sends tingles and silent codes all over to think about that person? I would be hypocrite to say that I have my heart under control; when very well that is not the case.  I cannot have under control what I don’t know everything (or as much as I can) about. And I realize that I have doubly robbed myself, or been doubly robbed, of an opportunity to be loved and to love. Both are important and meant to compliment and strengthen each other.

Both need to exist together in order to last into eternity. It is the complimented and completed love that knows no bounds and only grows stronger. This is the only love that survives the emotional famines, storms, tornadoes and earthquakes (yes, earth shattering times) and is still able to exist….

Have you ever felt this love?

How often does our heart cry
How often does our heart cry

cilaene

 

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Author: cilaene21

“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” ― Toni Morrison

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