Communication is important and relationship advisers continually stress the importance of open communication to couples. They urge you to let your partner know what you are feeling and how you want to be spoken to. When this happens, of course, overtime, your partner will start saying what they think you want to hear and how they think you want to hear it, based on your communications.
Another scenario, there are general conversation techniques that have been proven to unearth specific responses from your conversing partner. For example, if you are just getting to know each other and you say things like, “I love attention” their response may sound like “I look forward to giving you that attention.” The battle is not won on your side at this point; in fact, it has just begun.
You think when your partner says the things they think you want to hear, that it fixes the problem and bridges the gap; which would automatically mean that everything will be ok down the line? Please think again, if so….
In earlier years, I heard the adage “actions speak louder than words.” It is seemingly fitting in cases when one party wants a certain result and the other party may think to themselves , “can’t words suffice”, or, “can’t you take my word for it?”
I couldn’t accept it fully, either, as my opinion was that we do not know the heart of people when they are uttering words of comfort and promise, and that they should be given the benefit of the doubt. And especially if a person gives a promise, my thinking was that we automatically assume they will keep their promises.
As a lover of words, I would be hypocrite and contrary to seek to discredit words when spoken.
The situation is a tad more involved, as I have come to learn from personal and painful experiences.
It has now hit me: There is absolutely nothing wrong with words spoken and they should be given their due when spoken. Also, more often than not, words are welcome because they are the foundation of communication , eg. (“I love you”, “I promise you” and “I care for you”). I am sure that everyone wants to hear these words.
What is required, however, is after hearing these words, like action follows suit . This is not often the case as the process stops after hearing sweet words and there is no continuation. For promises and requests that will require active involvement, as majestic as words are; they cannot stand alone; the process is incomplete. What these words would have been degraded to, unfortunately, are: Empty promises.
Promises should not be made because you want to placate your partner and avoid a confrontation. They are to be intimate and enforceable pledges to whomever you make them to.
Personally, I have come to realize that the fact that I don’t care for words alone, does not mean that my love affair with words is counterproductive. No. My words, when I hear them, they need to be complimented and strengthened with action where required. I love more when they are brought alive through same actions. If you tell me you will never stop loving me, you must act accordingly. If you say you can’t wait to see me, I don’t expect to wait days to see you, especially when “you miss me so much”.
Those are lies and deception in the guise of promises and romantic conversation.
Let’s look at the flip side, If I am used to when words are spoken they are personified, then I would love words even more, because I know they will bring that complimentary element with them. A total win-win here.
I have a philosophy that says: “I should be in a position to enact my words at all times, consequently, I have become especially careful of what comes out of my mouth.” So, whatever I say, you bet your rear-end, I can back it up.
Apparently, it is not a global consensus and people have been dishonest with each other by not following through with their words, depreciating the value of words in the process.
It’s simple. If you make a promise; keep it. If you can’t keep it, speak to the person that is patiently and humbly waiting for you to fulfill that promise; explain to them your inability to do same and ask them to release you from that promise.
In the future, that person would know that even whilst they wait for other promises to be fulfilled, they are aware of the possibility that the person may opt out of that promise. As belittling as it sounds for someone to opt out of a promise; weigh this feeling against being left wondering for the rest of your life, if the person had meant the promise and/or intended to keep it from day one.
It is a waste of time after you have waited for a reasonable and anxious-less time for this person to fulfill this promise, only to still find yourself with questions and unresolved situations. Men need to be men and women need to women, when it comes to keeping your words. Be promise personified. Whatever you promise, ensure you can fulfill. All humans deserve to be loved, given chances, yes and also respected.
So, if you make a promise, respect a person’s time and fulfill that promise in a reasonable time frame. Respect their intelligence, not insult it by expecting them to be hanging around wondering “if” that promise will ever be fulfilled.
Personally, it enrages me, when this happens. I give people the benefit of the doubt that they will fulfill their promises when initially made or I give them an opportunity to opt out of that promise. I believe it is the perfect formula.
However, I must disclaim that I was not always this conscious-thinking.
But the more you live, if you are humble and open-minded, the more you will learn. I have resolved to only accept promises that are in the short-term, because, hell no, am I investing more time than what I stipulated to any one human being, whilst, they fidget and play around.
Not anymore that is.
So, if you promise me some company later, outside of emergencies, I will invest in the anticipation of this promise being kept. Any promise that will take an extended amount of time will need conviction on my part that this promise can/ will be fulfilled.
This doesn’t always happen, as guarantees of this nature are sparse. So, I am not in the market for long term promises.
Call me a hypocrite; I have been called worst.