The time is now and the place is here for us as adults to really analyze our thoughts and actions in any shape or form, to see how as adults we form our own circumstances, according to the nature of the earth, nothing goes to waste or unaccounted for. Kinda along the line of your beliefs shape your life.
I will explore the softest of circumstances in which your actions will decide what measures is mete out to you, by a total stranger, in most cases. If you are not in tune with your inner self; it will drive you paranoid and crazy, ultimately.
First we will look at love and intimacy, it is almost against today’s people nature to show any inkling of kindness to a total stranger. Again, I am strongly convicted that whatever you let out into the atmosphere, it will come back, it will not stay stuck in the sky, as that will be against the laws of nature.
By nature’s way, you are blesses with a partner that is crazy about you, the fact that you do not reciprocate those expressions, does not mean that ‘Mother Nature’ will understand and let it stay in the void. After all, this partner has invested time, metal and emotional energy in showing you how vital you are to them. Those feelings and expressions have a place and it needs to yield some fruit; if you reciprocate. But sadly,you did not return this person’s feelings and nature takes its course. Years later, you have another relationship, and you are heads over heels in love. Rationally so, and you make countless proclamations of this romance. Until , you realize that your feelings are not being acknowledged and they seem to be blocked even. As though the person is fighting with some unseen demon, adamant that they do not reveal anything of themselves to you. Does this make your partner cruel, cold an d unloving???
But so were you, years before. I am not about mythical karma, omens etc. I am trying to conceptualize an emotional concept into reality; let me know if I am failing.
If you are honest with yourself, you will remember, in previous relationships, someone imploring you to receive their love. be warned, if your partner is not expressing the love, that does not mean the love is not there; the crux of the situation lies in the details. Of you recalling the same scenario,and having deja vu all over again, with the feelings. Except at one point, you were the cruel one, now you are the imploring one.
So, I feel proud when I say, I pay attention to details in relationships, both past and present. In my recent past, many suitors have pledged their love and devotion to me; for inhumane reasons I didn’t deem it necessary to return the facts. Truth was, I was feeling the same way, yet I kept it to myself. I robbed my partner of feeling current, important and vital to me. Heights of Selfishness.
Now I am at the brunt end of the stick and I feel like a fool staying in this relationship. It pains to see my efforts wasted and my feelings taken for granted and my feelings (seemingly) not reciprocated. And yet I still openly care and hope for an undivided and unrequited love Then I remember, this is the same endearing quality that made me highly regard past lovers and still makes me feel secure in their confidence. I guess what Am asking is, is it because I regarded people coldly, why I now being placed at the front of the glacial storm???
Why my heart feels like it’s wrenched from my chest every time I go through this cycle and then in the down times, it never seemed like such a big deal. Why I experience hours of immobility and lack of concentration ( did I really do this to another?); if so, how wretched and hopeless, they must have felt. If it is the case, that my personality is projected into another human being (nature’s way of punishing and maintaining balance, no matter how hurtful it seems); then I must say I am ugly; with all the love and self-respect I have.
What makes it worse, there is no one I can talk to who would really understand, expect my readers who ‘dig this psycho babbling and emotional blog.
Everyday, I pray for the strength to learn my lesson and move on from this person. I feel close to death with little hope, surely that does not mean I have murdered my past lovers, emotionally???
Let me know if anyone out there, willing to lend some wisdom or counteract even, what I have put forth. I think I have personified, with my experience, just how importance it is to be careful what and how you give. In subsequent blogs, I will explore other circumstances (personified by me) in which this same rule applies.